Raising Awareness and Funds for Mens Mental Health & Suicide in the UK.( CALM )

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Andy Caine’s Story……

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I will walk over 900 miles from John O Groats to Lands End starting Oct 5th. My mission is to initiate and take part in as many mens groups as possible in each place I stop; offering a space and opportunity for men to talk. Encouraging men to share their life challenges (big & small) and to join me as I walk this walk of life.

3 years ago I was faced with the realization that I was in an unhappy marriage, a job that was pushing me towards burnout and a distinct dissatisfaction with who I was. I had little energy for my children and happiness tethered to material possessions, titles and a purposeless direction in life.

I was displaying clear signs of stress through behaviours of anger, addiction to exercise, loss of appetite and poor ability to focus. I wasn’t sleeping and I was suffering from severe night sweats. The signs were there for a needed change but I found it difficult to accept I was struggling and face the shame of a failed marriage. Even admitting I was stressed felt vulnerable and weak.

After leaving my job and marriage. I planned to take 6 months off work to delve deep into some personal work but a few months after I resigned from my job, cue the final “burnout perfect storm” ingredient - COVID!

My industry froze and circumstances were draining my financial resources by the day. I had to move back to my parents and at the age of 43 this hit me hard. There were little employment prospects at the time and I had to sign on for government support which created huge mental anguish. My self worth was at an all time low and symptoms of depression started to deepen with suicidal contemplation.

I became a recluse even to my own parents in their house. I retracted from all of my friendships and felt isolated in the shame and guilt. It felt like a downward spiral but not a big enough issue worthy enough to seek help. Some days I struggled to get out of bed and when I did I was confronted with a heavy sadness deep inside me. I couldn’t shift it and it felt like a viscous circle.

It was only when I started to share my feelings with a close friend that I could see the light.

I started to work with Mindfulness and breathwork and slowly found the energy to exercise again, spend time in nature and journal my thoughts. I started to pull together a whole host of other modalities to cultivate my mental resilience, belief and happiness. I realized the power of vulnerability and started to engage in mens groups on-line only to find that when I shared my feelings with other men, they also shared theirs. I realized I wasn’t alone and that actually when we address our shame and feelings of unworthiness, we realize they start to dissipate. I began to hold mens groups on-line myself and at this point started to establish my clarity of purpose and how I needed to show up for myself and others as a man and father. This became my new mission in life as well as the pathway to my recovery.

The collective meeting of men sharing deeply vulnerable experiences in a safe, non judgemental space is extremely powerful, relatable and liberating. Mens groups are crucible for the cultivation of mature masculinity, in the form of healthy communication, self awareness , presence, clarity and purpose. Something society needs from men , solid role models in this generation and those to follow.

As I walk the length of the country I hope to hold or attend a mens group everywhere I stop. I want to get men talking and cultivating deeper and more valuable connections with each other. I want men to feel the value of brotherhood and I want to leave a legacy of groups where men can share their troubles, experiences and joys in life and feel supported by other men. Three quarters of U.K. suicides are men and the people left behind are in shock because they didn’t realize anything was wrong. “He seemed so happy” or “he had everything” are commonly heard. If we can create enough groups for men to talk openly then I hope lives can be saved through the connection of other men.

I will be raising awareness and funds for The Campaign Against Living Miserably and other initiatives and groups who I meet along the way. I ask people to please join me for as much/little as you can on this journey….. this walk of life that I hope will save lives.

Aho 🙏

#walkwithme

#walkoflife

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Campaign Against Living Miserably

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