Hi, I'm Sandy, I don't want to be asking but I need to. I'm requesting £60 X 52 weeks for weekly one hour trauma therapy sessions. I've recently been struggling with suicide attempts and need to learn then safely practice some techniques to overcome trauma.

What's happened to me? Why do I need PTSD therapy?

As a toddler, my mother split my family apart, and fed me scary stories of dad's physical abuse. I discovered 40 years later they were untrue, but I was still left with irrational terrors of being left alone, needing to run/hide, of protecting my baby sister, fear of beards and motorbikes.

As a child (2-14), I was physically and emotionally abused every day, between 1-50 times a day. Beating until the implement snapped. Bruised, black eyes, welts on thighs, swollen lumps on my face, kicked, slapped, punched, thrown and shaken. By my own mother.

Then I was raped. 2 days before 16th birthday.

Then I was homeless.

Later I was pregnant and had a caesarian section where the anaesthetic failed. I felt it. I was awake and aware and unable to prevent the slicing open of my body. We survived, shaken and traumatised.

Then I was raped again. This time in excruciatingly life threatening circumstances. It involved a war zone, a shelled building, 5 men, a barricade, and a rape crisis charity who had "never heard of anything so awful" who were so shocked that needed to make a special fundraiser in order to afford all the therapy I would need, except they never did it, and I just went to hospital for hiv tests, and suicide watch.

I'm also autistic, which means that when I have a sensory meltdown, my PTSD/cptsd kicks in as impulsive suicide ideation. It's exhausting.

I'm scared of cheap easy "therapy". Either sitting in chairs in a circle. Or unpacking all the awful trauma and leaving it in a terrifying mess because there's no time or money to get it back in a vague sort of order.

Please can I get enough money to pay for one therapy session a week, for one year.