Please take the time to read the update below and visit the just giving page, it really would mean a lot to me. Seeing as the first post was so long ago, I've copied some of it at the bottom of this post.


In the 20 months since my first marathon related post quite a bit has happened. Trump nearly started a war with Iran, I got a new baby nephew, decided to have another knee surgery and break my nose (two separate incidents), and arguably the most crazy thing, it nearly came home. (Oh yeah and Covid too).


As a result of the knee surgeries and Covid the London Marathon has been postponed a few times, as was my training. However it's going to be taking place on the 3rd of October (the day after my Birthday) and I'm still running it so don't worry I haven't scammed you for charity money this isn't Kony 2012.


I think we all have some idea of how difficult the past few years have been, I know I've found the last 12 months to be some of my worst but speaking to people has made me realise that's it's been truly terrible for so many. I've been shocked by the amount of friends who seem to have genuinely considered dropping out of medical school this year and heartbroken to hear that more boys from my high school have taken their lives.


Through-out this whole time I've often thought, what the hell would Aryan make of all this. I guess we'll never know but I'm sure he would've been able to develop a better app than the crappy Covid one the government made. I think part of me is suprised at how much I still miss him and I think the only thing that really helps when I feel low about it, is the thought of using that feeling to make something better. I know Aryan wouldn't want me to just mope about him the whole time and would rather I do something useful and that's why I'm asking for more donations for Samaritans. They're a really brilliant charity that I think they have done a fantastic job for decades now but especially during covid and the lockdowns. These London Marathon places are normallly really valuable so I would appreciate all the help I can get in raising money for them in Aryan's memory.


I also want to just want to say that no matter how terrible you're feeling, there will always be someone who will want to talk with you. It might be your family, a close friend, a distant friend, or even me! Even when you don't quite know how to explain dark or low thoughts, if you're able to reach out to people you will feel better. I feel so sad that Aryan didn't realise that he had people around that felt like that. I might also add that as a pretty introverted guy I would 100% rather have chats with you when you're feeling low than have to write a long, emotional post on social media (then again I'm not sure who even uses Facebook anymore).


In short, please donate, please share this, and please don't feel like you're alone when you're feeling down.



Below is the original post:


After being inspired by the great physicist/endurance athlete/Latin scholar, Harvey Cao, I've decided to run the London Marathon to raise some money for a charity that really does some really amazing work helping people who are really struggling. If you don't know about Samaritans I would definitely tell you that they are a charity worth donating to. I've been thinking about doing something like this for a while now and assuming my knee decides to behave, I think this could be a great way to start the new decade.


By the time I will hopefully be running this marathon, it will have been two years since we lost Aryan. I really hoped the pain and grief that I felt would get better with time but I still struggle with each birthday or milestone and I think I'd be lying if I said that things had gotten any easier. I don't think I go a day without thinking about him. It's bad enough losing a friend but to lose someone like Aryan is all the more tragic. I am happy for all the memories I was lucky enough to share with in his time with us but I always wonder about what the world would be like if he was still here. He was a dangerous combination of fiercely intelligent but equally kind, with a genuine desire to help people. I'm amazed at all the good he managed to do during his short time with us. From handing out pizza huts to the homeless on West Street after his shift finished to fixing my dad's phone and running the school's tech for drama, it's clear to me that many people's lives were improved through knowing Aryan.


However I can't stop myself from imagining what else he could have done. Imagining all the conversations with him that I will never have. During the moments where I struggle most, my only solace is thinking of how I can keep his legacy going (minus all his trademark mischief of course) and I think back to some of the promises I made him when he was lying in the ICU.


No amount of running/damage to what's left of my knee/money raised will bring him back. That's why I also want to say that whatever hell you are going through, no matter how awful it is, taking your own life is never the answer. It might feel like all the problems are going to end with your suicide but the pain is just going to be passed on to those that care about you the most. I remember when I struggling most during my A-level exams, I couldn't even tell my closest friends or family about my suicidal thoughts. I don't like to think about how close things got but I'm still here now and I can gladly say I have never once regretted it. I do however regret that I felt I was the only person who felt like that I couldn't see those same feelings in Aryan less than a year later. It is only since being more open about my own struggles that I've realised how prevalent these kind of thoughts are.


Please, please, please don't go through your hell alone. I am sure there are so many people who would love to be the person that is there for you whatever it is that you need, honestly. If you want to speak to someone call Samaritans, text a friend, message me if you want  to.


Thanks for reading this essay (as you can tell I've have written one since GCSE English with Mr Gordon). I know I'm trying to raise a lot of money but these London Marathon places are very valuable so I hope you can give as my as you can.