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Our 30-year-old son, Ben died on 18th January 2021.

Ben loved to be active. He was a triathlete,  runner and ski instructor. He and his wife loved to explore New Zealand on their bikes but they still had more to see.  Because Ben no longer could, we took him with us on our Tour Aotearoa 2022 cycle trip. Bringing joy to other sick children and young people through Make-a-Wish, would be a legacy for our precious son.

Ben was the eldest of our three children. He loved people and he loved teaching. He had a broad smile, an engaging personality and endless entertaining stories. His sense of fun delighted everyone, especially his much younger cousins and his ski students. It was a priority to live his life to the full.

On October 9th 2018 Ben's life changed. Complaining of unusual tiredness, he saw a GP. Within hours he was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with an aggressive type of blood cancer:  acute myeloid leukaemia. He would only live for two weeks without urgent treatment.  Chemotherapy began three days later. Ben spent the next four months in hospital. 

The treatment was gruelling, hideous and painful. Ben had the support of family and friends, day and night. He enjoyed our many conversations, board games, photographs and family stories. He was encouraged by the personal messages from friends, colleagues and mentors. He was always hopeful of being well again. But this was an aggressive cancer. None of the treatments were working.

In February 2019 Ben received a bone marrow transplant from his younger brother, who quipped that this was one heck of a way for Ben to become smarter, younger and better looking!  Against unfavourable odds, Ben started to get better.  Only four months after the transplant, he was back at work and began running, swimming, cycling and skiing again. If he survived for two years after the transplant, he could be optimistic about his future. We dared to have hope.....

On Christmas Day 2020, just 5 weeks short of that two years target, the leukaemia came back. This time the leukaemia was in his spinal cord and within only a few, distressingly short hours, he was paraplegic. There were no treatment options this time.

Ben showed extraordinary courage during the final weeks of his life. From his hospital bed, he contacted his family, friends and colleagues to express his gratitude, admiration and love for them all. In doing so, he gave us all a priceless, precious gift and showed us how to be vulnerable, selfless and brave in the face of life’s greatest adversity.

Ben knew what it was to suffer and to be afraid. Anyone being treated for cancer or chronic illness does. He worried about children and young people having to endure what he had experienced. 

Knowing that the Make-a-Wish can put a smile on those young faces and bring joy and hope to them and their families would make him smile. 

We took up cycling just 6 months before we rode the length of New Zealand. We rode 3000 km without injury or accident, knowing that Ben was with us the whole way. We hope that our story may inspire others who are grieving to look for meaning in their loss. By giving to others through Make-a-Wish, we are able to live, heal and continue to love our son, Ben.

Thank you so much for your love and support.

Rose and Tom

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