As many of you will already know our incredible boy, Remy, was stillborn at 29 weeks on 9th January 2021.  Due to complication between our blood groups Remy & I were closely monitored by the phenomenal Fetal Medicine team at Birmingham Women’s Hospital. From 16 weeks we had scans and blood tests every two weeks becoming weekly from 20 weeks. Those scans are some of the most precious memories I have of our gorgeous boy.  Because of those scans I know that Remy was cheeky, I know he liked to blow bubbles, he enjoyed doing ‘thumbs up’ and I know he liked to wriggle to avoid the Dr scanning his brain & taking his measurements. At a scan on 30th December we watched  Remy ‘playing football’ with his umbilical cord. A very proud moment for JJ.

By 25 weeks it was evident Remy was becoming poorly and on 23rd December 2020 Remy had his first in utero blood transfusion.  These transfusions were to be carried out to enable us to get to around 33 weeks so that Remy could be safely delivered and cared for in neonatal. The transfusion was a success & a second transfusion arranged for 2 weeks later.  We settled in to enjoying Christmas and looking forward to Remy joining our family at some point in February. 

6th January 2021 is a date we will never forget. JJ took me to the hospital for the second transfusion.  Due to current restrictions JJ wasn’t allowed to stay with me so as per the first transfusion he dropped me off with the plan to collect me again at 4:30pm.  During transfusions mothers are heavily sedated and given painkillers to counteract the obvious discomfort.  I spent a couple of hours before the sedation & transfusion on the ward, listening to podcasts, looking out of the window and my usual internet searches for baby items! I planned the following day to be a slow one, recovering at home with Jackson, our eldest, and maybe starting to wash the tiny babygros in preparation. 

At 3:45pm whilst I recovered on the ward, still heavily sedated and uncertain of my surroundings a midwife came to check Remy’s heartbeat before I was discharged home.  What happened after that point replays in my foggy memory as a horror film.  The midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat and after a huge number of other professionals came in to assist they took me down to delivery suite.  Waiting there was a Dr who scanned me whilst a dozen professionals stood in silence and then I heard the nine words that would change our lives forever “I am so sorry, your baby has no heartbeat”  

At that point my world stopped.  In the background of the busy maternity unit I could hear babies crying as they entered the world, completely joyful moments totally contradicting the agony we were about to spiral into. 

JJ arrived to what must have been a terrifying, horrific scenario to witness.  The next couple of hours are a complete blur but somehow we sat with our wonderful Fetal Medicine Midwife, Rachel, and planned how we would bring Remy into the world. 

On Friday 8th January we returned to Abby Suite at Birmingham Women’s Hospital for me to be induced and for us to meet our beautiful baby.  It is a dedicated room on delivery suite with an adjoining sitting room. It is a place no parent ever wants to be. On 9th January 2021 at 3:57am Remy entered the world. Far from horror or devastation, or pain, or anger- the room was filled with joy. JJ and I spent some hours with Remy, holding him, talking to him, telling him about his big brother and sister. Marvelling at his long legs and tiny finger nails. Mainly telling him how proud we are of him and trying to soak him in enough to last us our lifetimes. We left the hospital, with empty arms, later that day. 

While we are eternally grateful to our fantastic midwives on Abby Suite the unit is not perfect.  It is still on the delivery unit, you still hear families experiencing joy while you experience the most agonising heart break. To get to Abby Suite you have to walk through delivery suite waiting room.  To leave you have to walk past the shop with their new baby balloons and congratulations cards. You leave through the door with families as they carry out babies in car seats. Walking out of the hospital with empty arms, in silence, traumatised and lost, is one of the hardest walks any bereaved parent will do. 

Birmingham Women’s Hospital are raising funds to build Woodland House. A purpose built location for bereaved parents to deliver and spend time with their precious babies. Somewhere dedicated and safe as they embark on their heartbreaking journey. 

JJ and I would love nothing more than to raise funds for this incredible appeal. As such, in March I pledge to walk 100 miles for Woodland House. I am on maternity leave and March will be the first month since losing Remy that I am alone with my grief. Getting out into nature and walking has saved me from being swamped by grief these past 7 weeks. I hope to make that process even more purposeful by raising funds for Woodland House . It is obviously my hope that no family will ever use the newly built unit. But unfortunately that is not reality. More than 5 parents A DAY are bereaved and cared for at Birmingham Women’s Hospital. 

On weekends I will be joined by my tribe, JJ, Jackson and Willow. Over the past seven weeks each of them has in their own way encouraged me to keep going.

Any donation you can make will be so gratefully received. If you are unable to donate please feel free to share our story and help us break the silence surrounding baby loss. 

Thank you so very much for any donation you are able to make - it really does mean the world to us. 

We feel it is absolutely vital to say that Remy’s death shocked and saddened the whole medical team who cared for him and us.  Deaths as a result of in utero transfusion are incredibly rare, the risks are absolutely minimal. 

You can follow my 100 miles in March on my Facebook profile and also on my Instagram. 

Please read below to better understand the impact your donation will have....

Our hospital cares for over 2,000 grieving mums and dads every year who may have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.Every loss is a devastating and uniquely personal experience, but at the moment the space in which our expert bereavement midwives have to hold heartbreaking conversations doesnt reflect the significance of each familys loss.News is delivered in cramped quiet rooms, often on the maternity ward or in busy outpatient areas, and our patients repeatedly speak of feeling rushed and of having nowhere to go after receiving devastating news.Woodland House will change this. It will be a brand-new, purpose-built, centre away from the hustle and bustle of the main hospital, where families can spend time together in safe, secure and serene surroundings before they feel ready to face the world again.We need to raise £3.5million to make Woodland House a reality.