Today I announced my candidacy to become the UKIP candidate for the Highlands and Islands. It is my intention to take UKIPs common sense policy agenda and the word of Katie Hopkins from Shetland to Dunnoon and from Elgin to Ullapool. Such an ambitious campaign is going to need some cash to pay for political marketing, merchandise and gammon.

However in the unlikely event I do not get elected I wish to donate my fighting fund to the Ullapool Sesavers who actually give a shit about the environment. They are a well organised group of kids who have ran many successful campaigns to improve the quality of our seas. They are a great bunch of kids who raise awareness of the challenges facing our local marine environment and to celebrate and promote all that is wonderful about the sea around where we live.