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Warning - the below may be triggering for anyone pregnant or who has experienced birth trauma or blood loss sorry xXx 

Steph's story:

4:03pm 17th April 2020 I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy I know I am forever blessed to have xXx Although our moment of happiness was cut short as suddenly loads of medics burst in as I needed to go straight into theatre for them to remove what I have since named a 'stubborn placenta'...

2 epidurals, 5 pints of blood lost, some blood transfusions and three hours later the placenta was finally removed. However, they couldn't stop the bleeding so I had a balloon procedure to help seal the wounds and was nil by mouth whilst they waited to see if it worked or if I needed a hysterectomy. At the time all I cared about was breast feeding and cuddling my precious baby and was very lucky late morning the next day the balloon had done it's trick so could be removed and I could also finally eat and drink. 

Recovery was tough but strangely covid helped as not having visitors meant I could rest properly. However, a week after I was enjoying sitting outside in the sun with Rosie whilst she did some colouring and Tommy was napping when I had a major bleed that wouldn't stop. We rushed to hospital and it was then that it really properly hit me. Matt had to just drop me off but I had to bring Tommy in with me as he was so dependent for milk. I was hysterically crying and they kept asking me if there was anything else they needed to know, almost as if I shouldn't be this upset, but I honestly felt so overwhelmed by everything and also thought they were going to do a hysterectomy there and then. Luckily they managed to stop the bleeding and I was able to go home. 

Fast forward a few weeks and I had to go for a follow up scan to check all the placenta had been removed. This time it was suggested (and I agreed) not to bring Tommy as I would be sitting with the people having scans and then in the waiting room where not everyone would be having good news.  The scan was hard as the sonographer kept making questionable noises and then said how they was a lot of fluid that concerned him. I was then alone in a room for an hour and a half before I got to see a consultant. Being apart from my baby and husband whilst also not knowing what the outcome would be was horrible but then a lovely consultant came and reassured me my womb would take longer to settle down than normal and all was OK. 

Months past and my body recovered from the anemia I had developed from the blood loss. Physically I was feeling better but I kept getting a very swollen belly almost like I was pregnant. The first epidural I'd had didn't work and then the second one worked but ever since my back has not been the same and I do physio for it still now. So I then talked myself into how this meant something horrible was wrong and although the doctors checked me over and recommended some tablets etc I just couldn't stop it. Mentally I was one minute in my element with how amazing my children are, the next a mess as I struggled so much with how things hadn't gone how I wanted them to go. I know so many people have been affected far worse than me by covid and Matt always says how lucky we are it gave us more family time just us, but this wasn't how I had planned my second baby. My first baby was at a time of mass upheaval, living in a mobile home whilst building our own house. Second time around I had the house all ready for lots of visitors but no one could come. I used to get so upset by how many people hadn't met him or would never cuddle him as a baby etc. I was also getting very paranoid about anyone I know who was due a baby having the same thing happen to them. Now I realise what happened is rare but at the time it felt like everyone was at risk and I worried so much if a friend neared their due date. Meanwhile, I also became increasingly aware of how different everyone seemed to feel about covid to me. I was genuinely terrified me or someone I love would catch it and die. I used to make Matt clean all the shopping and we quarantined post for days. Even when restrictions started to ease I have really struggled at times getting out and about as this anxiety takes over and it feels extra hard because I've always considered myself to be quite comfortable in new social situations but I was almost frightened of new people and the unknown risks. 

In time, as I started to see more people I got a bit better but fast forward to February 2021 and Matt needed a hernia op and I was so worried about him catching covid and bringing it home, more than his actual op. I had started to speak to a counsellor and I had also been referred for scans to check my back and womb etc for the swelling and pains I had still been getting. Then it all came to a head in March as the scans showed nothing wrong, around the same time someone suggested making a log of when the swelling happens. That is when I realised it was anxiety related. If I got upset or worried about covid, Tommy or anything my belly would swell up. Then also in March I was diagnosed with PTSD from the birth and in April I had a special treatment done which has changed my life forever. 

It has been a gradual process and I still have good days and bad days but I am so proud of how far I have with the help of my incredible husband, family, friends and counsellor. I will never get over what happened and part of me is changed forever but another part or me appreciates life so much more now. 

Finally getting to the point (sorry for the essay!), me and my sister Charlotte want to raise money to help other women cope with birth trauma as it really is such an awful way to feel. 

To do 500,000 steps in March means hitting over 16,000 steps a day which is going to be quite a challenge but we really would appreciate anything you can donate and thanks for taking the time to read this. 

FYI picture shown was taken just after I had given birth to Tommy, before we knew the placenta was being stubborn. 

Just an additional comment too that the NHS are amazing and everyone involved in my care has been incredible! 

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