Update 21.03.2017
Lee to do the Willen Hospice 2017 Moo walk

The last time I updated this page was just prior to Marcia’s funeral and that feels like such a long time ago now.   

Of course, you all know that sadly Marcia lost her battle with cancer. What you might not fully appreciate is that there was a point where I knew that she would need to be cared for by Willen Hospice.

Even prior to her second round of radio therapy and her subsequent hip operation, her care was termed as palliative, I’d never really heard the term ‘palliative’ before although I vividly remember the conversation with the Consultant Oncologist and Marcia and I both knew exactly what she meant.

More recently I looked it up its proper definition:
Palliative care is the active holistic care of patients with advanced progressive illness.  Management of pain and other symptoms and provision of psychological, social and spiritual support is paramount. The goal of palliative care is achievement of the best quality of life for patients and their families.

What I can tell you from first-hand experience is that cancer patients and their families need all the assistance they can get, and this is particularly important at the point the care becomes palliative.

In the week prior to her passing I was in contact with Willen Hospice as it became very clear that we were going to need help, it serves no purpose to go into detail.

Marcia used to raise funds for Willen Hospice and knowing that she very nearly ended up as a recipient of their care means this is doubly important for me.  I also now know only too well how much the care and support they provide is needed.

Time inevitably moves on, we all go back to our lives, our jobs, our schools and our loved ones.  Of course, my life has changed dramatically, holding down a full time job and keeping the children safe, fed, clean, clothed and transported to their various activities keeps me pretty busy.

I do not have a lot of spare time and the time I do have I now only spend on things that are worthwhile.  Raising money for Willen Hospice fits into that category.   When the opportunity arose to raise money, and be one of the first men to take part in a traditionally ladies only event, I put my application form in and now know that will be 1 of only 50 men allowed in this year’s Moo walk.

Of course, the opportunity for innuendo when spending a night with nearly 1500 women isn’t lost on me and I’m now smiling as I
know that Marcia deeply appreciated my often-inappropriate sense of humour and I am sure that wherever she is now, she’s smiling, nodding her head and rolling her eyes at me just like she always did.

Lee
xxx

Original Post - Lees story

It was about this time last year that my wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, aged 43.  Prior to her diagnosis Marcia was fit and healthy, the previous weekend she ran the MK half marathon, she hardly ever drunk alcohol, she never smoked and I can't remember the last time she was sick with anything (other than yours truly!) 

It was a really shit time for both of us, we had lots of questions and not many answers.  There is a hugh amount of information to take in and decisions need to be made,  just at the time when you are emotionally knackered and not really thinking rationally.  It's also true that although you have questions, you're not sure whether  you really want to ask them as you don't really want to know the answer!  Marcia went through a barrage of scans and tests, although that's wasn't the worst part, waiting for results is truly awful!

In the early days we decided not to tell the family or kids, mainly
because they would want and need answers and we couldn't give them
because we just didn't know ourselves, and it would only make them worry more.  Once we had all the information, just a couple of days before surgery, we decided to tell them all.  Not a fun time at all!

Surgery,  chemotherapy and radiotherapy are not pleasant - indeed they are meant to cut out the cancer and kill off any remaining cancer cells, and it takes 6 months to go through the process. 

Going to the chemo ward showed me that cancer is indiscrimate, it doesn't matter whether you're old or young, black or white, male or female - the chemo ward was  always busy and as one patient left, another arrived!

You have plenty of time to reflect on the chemo ward, especially as Marcia went for the 'cold cap' to try and keep her hair.   For those that don't  know this is a modern day torture, you put a cap on with pipes that run very cold liquid through it to take the temperature down to around -5 (I guess the clue is in the name).   She then had to sit with this on for about 3 hours, it got so cold that it left lumps of ice on her hair
and when it's time to take it off you have to let it thaw out for 10
minutes otherwise it would pull your hair out!  I have massive respect
for anyone who goes through this, I can't even put a cold wrap on a
sports injury without bitching! (thankfully my days of sports injuries
are declining..)

Thankfully, we are now nearly at the stage of the first checkup and have appointments scheduled with the surgeon and oncologist so the 'fun' isn't over yet.

to be continued... :(