Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

I am ashamed to say years ago I looked at mental health in a bad way. I used to hear various story’s and yeh I thought MAN UP. A few years down the road I was soon eating a slice of humble pie and was soon to know the real impact of mental health.

I had a great up bringing from my parents. I met the love of my life and have two beautiful daughters. My life was amazing.

I joined the retained Fire and Rescue service when I was 20 and loved serving for my community. After 11years of service I left the Fire Service because I got a job I always wanted in my full time employment as an incident response manager for the railway.

I had dealt with a few nasty incidents in the Fire Service so I thought I was prepared to do this job but I was wrong.

As an incident response manager you get called to various incidents on the railway, one of which is people getting hit by trains. In my 1st year I had a few fatalities and some were difficult to process. Years went by and those incidents carried on coming. I thought I was dealing with them but deep down I knew something wasn’t right.

My wife started noticing changes in me, I was angry and not very sociable when I was at my lowest. I was feeling anxious leading up to going on holidays and other events that I was invited to. I remember one family holiday we went on to Italy and the first two days I was being sick. I know now they were anxiety attacks.

In 2018 I took my wife away on a surprise anniversary break. It was at Beachy Head down at Eastbourne. I didn't realise when I booked it that it’s a hot spot for suicides. On the first day we went down to the town and had a walk around. We then headed back up to Beachy Head where there was a lot of emergency vehicle’s about. That day someone took their own life. When we headed back to the hotel we witnessed the person in a body bag being put into a private ambulance. That night was a right off. I had booked a lovely restaurant for our anniversary but I wasn’t right. I was getting some kind of panic attack I’d never had before and we ended up going back to the hotel after our starters.

My wife knows me the best and she told me that I needed to see a doctor. She came to the doctors with me, I was a mess but she explained what had been going on. We were both in tears at this stage because I needed help. The doctor diagnosed me with PTSD in February 2018. I was told that I needed medication to deal with it. I didn’t want to take any medication but was told that I needed it. I went home and did some research on the medication and soon accepted that I had to take them.

I had some time off work but then the difficult part came. I had to open up to work colleagues and family because they also knew something was up. I managed to do this and to this day it’s the best thing I’ve done. There’s still a lot of people out there who haven’t got a clue but after reading this you now all know. I’m ok with people knowing but do not want to be treated any different. I love having the banter with my mates because that’s what gets me through the bad days.

In 2022 I lost a true friend to suicide. He had lived in Ireland most of his life but we grew up together. He was an usher at our wedding and we stayed in touch when he left. Unfortunately we didn’t stay in touch enough and when I received the news that day I was gutted. He was a top man and would be there for anyone. I wasn’t there for him when he was going through a tough time and I am annoyed I didn’t make contact with him more.

So that’s my story…

To this day writing this I have attended 29 fatalities in my current job, about 25 of them have been male suicides. I have lost a good friend to suicide so that’s why I am raising money for this charity.

We all go about our day but it’s important we look out for those around us. Some people show depression but most people hide it away. Please open up to someone whoever it is. Everyone is different, I tried the counselling stuff but it didn’t work for me. What worked for me was opening up to those close to me, they understand me the most. It works different for others but just open up.

I still suffer from anxiety and I’m still taking the happy pills. I have more good days than I have bad days and try and keep myself busy. I try and manage myself well now and I know when I need to reach out or take some time out.

MenWalkTalk aims to reduce the stigma around men’s mental health and offers men a safe space and opportunity to talk openly about their issues. Can you help us be there when they need us?

Any donation will be gratefully received for this charity.

Many Thanks

Jamie