On the 19th January 2023 our world fell apart.

Harrison our beautiful baby boy died suddenly.
 He was just under 5 weeks old.
We still have no answers.
My labour was seemless, Harrison was perfect, beautiful and healthy.

We were like any other happy family of four, we started the new year with excitment, renovating our family forever home both our children were going to grow up in, making memories. We were literally on Cloud 9.

In a matter of hours our world was shattered.
Returning from a restaurant our perfect little boy Harrison’s heart stopped. He stopped breathing. 
Tom and I did everything we could to save him, the worst moment a parent could ever imagine had just happened to us. We are broken to the core.
Life will never be the same.

No amount of words will ever describe the physical pain and darkness that comes with losing your baby but I write this for Harrison.

Following the harrowing moment my baby died, we were given a one hour daily time slot to be with him, to hold him, to kiss him.
I am his mum, his protector and I should be with him 24 hours a day, yet I was faced with this new reality were I now had a time limit to cuddle, to touch, to kiss my boy. It is the cruelest from of torture.

Every day is soul crushing and earth shattering but as hard as those days were they were precious because they were the countdown on what would be the last time we would ever see him again.

The reason we only had an hour a day rather than an unlimited amount of time is because the hospital didn’t have the right equipment!

My hope is that we can raise enough funds to donate an Abi Cooling cot to Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital. This cot is a refrigerated cot and gives parents a chance to grieve, spend as much time as they can and say goodbye properly to their babies. Time spent with their children and for some the first and very last time. There is no everyday when your baby dies. You know you will eventually never be with them again. Time that is final and should never be allocated in slots and have a limit.

I miss Harrison more than I could ever put into words.
I can not articulate the continuous pain we suffer daily without him. His big sister Harriet loves and misses him so much too. Watching your daughters heartbreak and knowing there is nothing you can do to make things better is devastating.
He was and always will remain our special little boy.
My arms are now empty and every day is a struggle.
I would give anything to be able to hold him and kiss him again.


Tom and I cherished the last times we had with Harrison. We cuddled him, read stories to him, sang to him and kissed him. It was the last time I could take care of him. 
The only time I had left with my baby was in the bereavement suite and that time now means so much to me because it was some of the final moments with my son.

Please donate what you can. Please share this link with your families and friends. Parents deserve as much time as they can with their babies and the Abi Cooling Cot makes this possible.

Harrison Thomas Clayton 18.12.22 - 19.01.23