Male domestic abuse is seen as embarrassing, nonetheless it keeps happening.   There is an unsaid inference of victim blaming, that the victim invited the abuse upon themselves.  This is categorically not the case.  Sadly it's not just women who are victims of coercive control, gaslighting and narcissistic personality disorders.

By sharing your story people become aware of the issue, it also gives them the courage to know they are not alone, and there is no shame in admitting you are a victim.  Until recently I have not shared my experiences but I have been shocked by the number of people, who once I have related my experience - have said that, they too had experienced similar sorts of situations.  Having experienced industrial scale gaslighting, over years I look back and wonder how I misjudged my partners character - there were a few signs which I ignored, but was I naive or just never previously come across such a malign personality. A bit of both probably.

We have seen poisonous relationships revealed in the media, so it is an abuse that crosses cultures, ages, social class or levels of wealth. By way of example when I reported my abuse it to the Police - one of the Police Officers had been coercively controlled by his mother and a girlfriend too !

It can happen to anyone, so not only am I keen to raise funds for the victims and to help them recover from, or deal with their trauma; but also to be a canary in the coal mine.

Do you have a brother, a nephew, a father a son, a friend who is in a relationship that isn't quite right.  Might they be in a bad way but not know how to ask for help.  

Does their partner lack empathy? 

 Do they always get their way. 

Is that behaviour assertive - or controlling? 

Are they very self centred - do they lack humanity ? 

Is there something not quite right?  After the event, often there was something but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. 

A victim probably feels embarrassed, unable or unwilling to admit there is an issue, so go gently.

Interestingly listening to R4's Women's hour, female victims of domestic abuse, often report that they are often less concerned by the bruises which heal - it's the emotional scars which don't.

Let's collectively call it out, help victims, and try to be alert to it, within your circle of friends and family.  Have that conversation, before it's too late.

There has already been a fund raising dinner party event -for a selected few. I'd like to thank Andy Needham of L'Amorosa Restaurant https://www.lamorosa.co.uk for his help in organising a fabulously successful and enjoyable event, held in conjunction with a fund raising effort to support Ukraine.

Our next 'thing' is Mankind Marmalade coming shortly..........