Our 2nd Kimmy's Charity NIght went amazingly well! Drum roll please!!!!! We have raised £6,898.34!!!!!! for Kim's Memorial Fund at Ashgate Hospice. More still to come with dvd sales (hopefully ready by the end of next week) THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR EVERY PENNY AND YOUR HELP & SUPPORT xxx Tracie. If anyone would like to buy a dvd, they are £5.00 each and will be available from Becki's Salon, Hair, Heart & Soul asap! I love you Kim Trickett, your Mum xxxx

13.04.2011 well Kim, your Charity Night is nearly here! 10 days and counting!!!!! we have got so much happening my heads whirling! Really looking forward to it though and I hope it's the best night ever! And how much do I love you then! I love you, well I love you more! hey tell you what then, lets love each other equal. I love you equal sweetheart and just wanted you to know how very much I'm missing you! your Mum xxxx

 

Mothers Day ...... Kimberley, what a day to be without you sweetheart! I keep thinking if there is any justice I'd see a Butterfly today, then I think if there was any justice I would'nt want or need to because you'd be here with me xxx Love you today, every day and always xxx your Mum

You know Kim, when we lost Uncle Richard, Gran banned us all from giving her cards on Mothers Day, Christmas Day, Birthdays etc. She said that if she could'nt have four cards, she did'nt want any. That hurt me really badly because it felt like I'd lost my Mum as well as my brother. I did'nt think it was right then and I don't now. BUT I can see where she was coming from and I understand that everyone deals with this horror in their own way. It is a feeling that I can't put into words, just having two cards when there should be three. It hurts beyond all recognition and is a very visual reminder of the fact that your not here with me to give me one of your lovely cards (and I don't doubt for one minute that it would have had Butterflies all over it)

I have felt you a round this morning Kim and I really hope you know just how much I'd love to wrap my arms round you today. I miss you Kim...... I love you my little sweetheart xxxx your Mum

Can I just also add that I am having a lovely day with Becks and Ross who are both being lovely and I'm really looking forward to Mai Sum tonight! and getting my prezzie!!!!

 

6th of March. You'd have been proud of me today Kim. I love you so much. Missing you like crazy! Your Mum xxx

20.02.2011 Our next VERY SPECIAL fundraiser is THE 2nd KIMMY'S CHARITY NIGHT! On Saturday 23rd of April at Club Chesterfield, Chester Street, Chesterfield, S40 1DL. Tickets cost £10.00 each and include lot's of live entertainment, we have The Full Monty Strippers, back this year with a new routine (and theme) for 2011. They are friends and family who practice twice a week for months to give you a show (literally) you won't forget in a hurry!

We have Donna Ramsdale, Danny Waine, The Smiffy Stagestars, Becky and Callum Lovatt, D-J Kieran, Spire Face Painting, Choccaholix Chocolate Fountain, a fantastic buffet and amazing raffle with some awesome prizes!

Please note that this event starts at 7pm (until midnight) and The first live Act, The Smiffy Stagestars are opening the night for us at 7pm. Please arrive early to get seats as they are limited.

Please wait Image not available

 

 

20.02.2011 "As you hold me close in memory, although we are apart, my spirit will live on, there within your heart.... I am with you always...."

 

"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of soleminity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, some-where very near, just round the corner.

All is well"

Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918

Canon of St Pauls Cathedral

 

31.12.2010 To you Kim,

Miss Me But Let Me Go

Miss me a little - but not too long and not with your head bowed low.

Remember the love that we once shared, miss me a little - but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take and each must go alone, it's part of the Master's plan, a step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and tired of heart, go to the friend's we know and bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.

Miss me but let me go.

I had to let you go but I so did'nt want to.

I love you with all my heart Kimberley Trickett. Happy New Year to you my little Sweetheart xxx Your Mum

 

 

23rd of December 2010. Another Christmas without you sweetheart. Everywhere I look and virtually everything I do is making me think of you Kim. I have been thinking about Richard, Gran, Grandad, my Gran, Grandma Joan and others recently and wondering if you are with them and having the marvellous time I said you would have. I firmly believe that what I told you was the truth and although I so did'nt want you to go, you would be going to a better place and that one day we would be together again and you could tell me all about it. I have no fear of death what so ever as I know that I will get to be with you again. Having said that, I know I have a good long time here with Becks, Rossi, Phil, your Dad and everyone else and I have a lot more money to raise in your sweet memory to help others.

I've been having a lovely time with Han lately and I know you would be very happy about that!

Kim I love you so much and if I could have just one wish it would be to hear your voice and hold you again. Your Mum xxxx hey love you equal Kim!

 

 

18th of Decemeber Kimberley, I don't have many words today, I JUST SIMPLY WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW VERY, VERY MUCH I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU xxxx your Mum

Well Kim, it's nearly Christmas again. How you doing sweetheart. I keep finding my Ebay butterflies in unusual places all round the house. They make me smile! so thank you for that : )

I so wanted to hit my £25,000 target in time for Christmas day as a tribute to you and to let you know that I'm thinking of you every day (and night) we did it Kim! £25,666.29!!!!

I went to see all your friends at Uni yesterday. They did the Santa Stroll for the local hospice there. Lovely to see them, they are lovely girls. You would love the nativity scene they have created and the fat little hamsters!

Hey Kim! just thought I'd update your page a little. Time without you is passing slowly. You know what is so sad and obvious, that you have gone but your photo's ended too. Prehaps that does'nt sound right. Like I said, it's obvious but when I go on facebook it's so sad to see everyone's pics being up-dated after all night's out, birthday's, etc and your's just stay the same. It hurts, badly. Don't get me wrong it's lovely to still be in touch with your friends and see what's happening to them all. I just wish you were here to run your own page. I would have loved to have watched you follow your dreams and see how your life mapped out. You and I both, ever the realists hey love. Fete, you always believed in fete and now I do too.

Becki has got the salon, she has called it Hair, Heart & Soul and I'm sure you would be very proud of her, as I am. It will great to watch her build it up into what she wants. She has lot's of plans and dreams and I know there will be some of you in her salon, as there is in her heart & soul. Becks did you some gorgeous hairstyles and put ups!

The 2nd Kimmy Charity Night is going to be on Saturday the 23rd of April at Club chesterfield again. It's going to be bigger and better (is that possible?) yes course it is! Bring it on!

I love you Kimberley, always, forever and especially EQUAL! your Mum xxxxxx

 

 

22nd of October 2010. Kim. I have always thought I don't have any regrets about you and our precious time together but I have realised one thing that I think I regret. That is not buying a video camera. Don't get me wrong I thought about it. I thought then and still think now that I deliberately did'nt buy one because if I had admited, even to myself that I needed to record as much of your life as possible I would have been in grave danger of admitting to myself (even subconciously) that I was'nt going to have you for ever. Would it have made you think that was where my thought processes lay? knowing you, yes Kim. Would I have been tempted to record you more than Becks and Ross, possibly, would I have it out recording every special event that could warrant getting it out without suspicion, probably.
You never thought you were going to pass. Not until right at the very end. I'm so glad you always felt and thought like that.
So do I regret not buying the camera? For your sake no I do not. I'm so glad that I did'nt. For my selfish sake, in a way. I would love to be able to watch you again, every day. Moving, talking, laughing and just being your gorgeous self. We did the right thing Kim. Love you my precious sweetheart. Always, for ever and most especially equal! xxx your Mum





11th of September Your 22nd birthday Kim.Oh Kim this is awful without you here to celebrate your own birthday.
I am going to celebrate having you for nearly 21 years in my life. I am so glad I had you and we had our time together.
I am hoping and praying that you have gone with Han to China. It's certainly not a Butterfly day today!
We are going to the Race's today for your birthday because for some reason I think that's what you would have done.
I wonder where you are so much.
No words can describe this feeling.
Kimberley. I wish you a very happy birthday and I will always love you equal! your Mum xxxx








Kimmy,to you I want to say that I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. I could do with your advice and sensible outlook on various things. I try so hard to think "what would Kim say to do"? I wonder.
I found your voice recording today Kim. Im so relieved! we've decided to go to the races for your 22nd birthday. I know you would have loved it and I know you'll be there with us. You were very good at picking a winner!
This life of mine seems so un-real without you in it. Im so glad you had the pictures taken by Shane. It just seems as though life has stood still since the day we found out about the brain tumour and yet it keeps moving along from one day to the next. Things happen and your just not here. I MISS YOU SO BADLY. Love you Kim xxxx Mum 31.oct.2010




24th of August.  Please check out the following event which will be taking place on this SATURDAY 28th of August at the PACIFIC BAR in Chesterfield. Arranged by Sharon of MONROE  EVENTS, this is a MUSIC FESTIVAL with PEAK FM, great live acts and bands, fire eaters, face painters and loads!!!!!! more. proceeds raised from the event will be split between Kimmy's memorial fund for Ashgate Hospice and Becky Measures fantastic, Hereditary Breast Cancer Charity

 It promises to be a fantastic afternoon of great
music and LOTS of entertainment. Please come along, show your support and mo st!!!! importantly, have a brilliant time!! xxx

6th of July 2010. One year without you Kim. There does'nt seem to be any words for today sweetheart. One whole year without you. I need your strength today. I will always love you equal Kimmy and look forward to the day I can give you the biggest hug ever. I miss you more every day. What makes today worse than yesterday and tomorrow? maybe the kind messages, flowers and cards, maybe just the knowledge that you affected so many lives in such a positive way or probably just because it's one more day without you to share it with. You know what, Im going to shake off this feeling of numbness combined with being hit by a sledge hammer and do what you would want me to. I LOVE YOU KIMBERLEY TRICKETT! Your Mum xxx

Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity.

So please dig deep and donate now.

Keep reading down the page for older posts and some of my thoughts about my beautiful daughter.

Total raised in Kim's memory so far for Ashgate Hospice  ( including this money on here) is

£18,911.42!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (May 2010) June 2010. I am desperately trying to reach a personal target of £21,000 (Kims age) by the 6th of July (the first Anniversary of losing Kim) Kim wanted me to be positive and do positive things which is what I have tried to do. Please consider either donating on here in Kims memory for Ashgate and leaving a message if you like (they give me comfort) or if you would like to donate any beauty products/cosmetics such as perfume, creams, shampoos etc THEY CAN BE PART USED for me to sell on Kimmy Car Boots. The last two we did raised just over £750 and it also helps people who are less fortunate and can't afford to buy these products new from shops. Gift sets and handbags also sell well and some Gift sets I keep to use as raffle prizes at the any Kimmy related fundraisers we do for Ashgate. if you don't like a new perfume etc you've bought or been given please spare a thought for our fundraising activities.

more to be added very soon from the amazing Kimmy Car Boot sale we did yesterday. £550 but we just have to finalise the amount as we have the Ashgate donation tins and two donations given after the event to add on. Also a friend of Kim's , Sian very kindly donated lots of items for the sale including a cot and a baby rocker which would not fit in the van with everything else (also we decided we could get more for them on Ebay hopefully) so as soon as they sell we will have a more accurate total but it definately looks like it's going to be over £600. I love you Kimberley xxxxxxx

Kimberley would be proud of this and I'm proud of everyone who has helped in any way! Thank you so much! xxx

 

OUR FIRST EVER KIMMY CHARITY NIGHT WAS A MASSIVE SUCCESS AND HAS RAISED THE FANTASTIC AMOUNT OF £6,797.33!!!!! WE ARE VERY PROUD TO RAISE THIS AMOUNT IN KIMBERLEY'S MEMORY FOR ASHGATE HOSPICE AND CAN I SAY A MASSIVE PERSONAL THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON INVOLVED WHO HELPED IN EVERY WAY TO MAKE THIS A 100% TEAM EFFORT AND CREATE SUCH A SUCCESSFUL EVENT. I AM SO PROUD AND GRATEFUL TO YOU ALL. This amount will now be added on to the £9,359.92 already raised plus we have £600 raised very kindly from The Lockoford Inn (more details and names to follow) and Jonathan Reeve and The Mid-life Crisis Band who again very kindly held a concert and raised £1,250. Kimberley would be proud of you all and I thank you all so much for helping keep Kim's memory alive and enabling her legacy of caring for others to carry on.

OUR KIMMY CHARITY NIGHT RAISED A WHOPPING £6,797.33! WE CAN'T THANK EVERYONE INVOLVED ENOUGH! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WERE BRILLIANT! DONNA RAMSDALE AND OUR FULL MONTY BOYS WERE AWESOME AND PROVIDED THE BEST NIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT EVER! HOT STUFF! DVD'S WILL BE AVAILABLE AT A COST OF £5 EACH VERY SOON. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED RAFFLE PRIZES AND ALSO TO EVERYONE WHO SOLD RAFFLE TICKETS FOR US. WE COULD NOT HAVE RAISED THIS FANTASTIC AMOUNT WITHOUT YOU ALL. OUR TOTAL IS CAREERING VERY QUICKLY UP TO THE £20,000 MARK NOW AND MY OWN PERSONAL GOAL IS TO GET IT TO £21,000 (KIMS AGE) BEFORE THE 6TH OF JULY WHICH WILL BE THE FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY WHICH I AM DREADING.

OUR NEXT FUND RAISER IS THE KIMMY CAR BOOT SALE AT TANSLEY ON THE 16TH OF MAY. ALL DONATIONS OF "ANYTHING" AND ALL HELP ON THE DAY WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! BUTTERFLY WINGS ARE AN OPTIONAL EXTRA TO WEAR IF YOU LIKE. WE DID LAST YEAR AND HAD FUN WEARING THEM.

Kimberley Samantha Trickett was my very brave, caring, strong and inspirational daughter. I say was, because as you will know by now, Kimmy passed away on the 6th of July 2009 at 4.06 pm at Ashgate Hospice. To be honest it does'nt look or sound right to say "was" because Kim will always be my daughter and is very much alive in me and my memories.

 As you can see, she was very beautiful but anyone who knew Kim would tell you that she was beautiful on the inside too. She had cancer 4 times in her too short life, she never moaned or complained and always just wanted to be "normal".

 Kim  sadly passed away at the age of nearly 21, after being in Ashgate Hospice, Chesterfield  for 5 and a half weeks.

Kimberley was doing her Masters Degree In Nursing (Kim was to be a childrens nurse) at Nottingham University and her times there were most definately some of the best of her life! Kim loved her course and she made some amazing new friends who have proved to be very true, loyal and long lasting. They came over to visit at the hospice on a regular basis and are still offering great comfort to me personally.

Kim had a lot of friends, Hannah, Kims best friend will always have a special place in my heart as the nicest best friend my daughter could have had. Becki Linekar, Kims very close friend, who again, will always mean so very much to me. They both came to visit all the time and went on our emotional roller coaster journey of turmoil with us. Thanks for the cakes Becks, Im sure I'll be thin one day! Not! got to mention Abi, Tom and Emma (cuddles) Nicola and Charlotte who again all came to visit when Kim was poorly, which I know cannot have been easy.

Please feel free to check both mine and Kims facebook pages where we have other groups running that you can join and see loads more pictures and other fund raising things we are doing. Mine is Tracie Holocuk and Kim's is Kim Trickett. Also we have groups running on face book. Mine is

Kim Trickett always helping others! see link for just giving to donate

 

and Becki's (kim's big sis) is Kimberley "beautiful" Trickett where you can contact us, see more pictures etc.

The music we played at Kim's funeral will always mean so much to me. Im having a very down day today and feel the need to play some of the songs. The one that means the most to me is "Please Remember" by Leanne Rimes. It makes me cry but I hope when I play it that Kim hears it and knows I'm thinking of her.
Celine Dion "Fly"
Aiza Seguerra "Everything I own"
Tracy Chapman "The Promise"
Mariah Carey "Never Forget You"
R Kelly "The Storm Is Over Now"

Seriously beautiful songs for a seriously beautiful girl who I am missing so badly. I love you Sweetheart xxx

 

If anyone wants to buy any of the "Kimberley gifts of love" they are £1.00 each, plus 38p for postage and packing (all proceeds to Ashgate Hospice Hospice) and a stamped, self addressed envelope would be greatly appreciated as we want to raise as much as we can for our charity. If you wanted to buy a few then let me know how many and I will discount as much as possible on the postage and packing. Please note we only use wrapping paper with butterflies on and they can vary in colour quite a bit, as we use different wrapping paper every few, to make a nice change. We cover the costs of making them. Email me at tracieholocuk@btinternet.com or write to me at 105 High Street, Stonebroom, Alfreton, Derbyshire, DE55 6JY. Since the Take A Break memorial tribute to Kim I have had lot's of orders, a special thank you to Rosemary who has been amazing in spreading the word and getting me alot of them!

 

 

So far we have raised a grand total of £1,519.61!!!!! Great news and lots more to come, as we have loads of events planned, all fun and brilliant to keep us busy and in contact with Kims friends as well as our own and family. We are holding a "Kimmy Car Boot Sale" on the 23rd of August. Donations to which are very much appreciated (don't worry if you can't get your stuff together in time for that one...there will be other's) I am hoping to make some smiley face buns to sell on the day too : )  we are holding a Race Night (date to be arranged) and next year we are hoping to have a Full Monty night with disco, food and a raffle.
(just to let you know that we held the "Kimmy Car Boot" yesterday and raised a grand total of £454.00!!!!!!... We did you proud Kimmy .... see photo's on Kims facebook page)

 

  

Richard, Kims boyfriend....  actually started a new job the day that Kim passed away. He came and spent that last day with Kim and us and I have got to say how much I admire the way he has gone and got his head down and is doing really well at the job. Great respect to you Rich! Im very proud of you mate! and you know that Kim would be too.

Kim and Rich were together for nearly 3 years. They had so much fun together and complimented each other's different personalities well. Kim loved spending time round at Richards and thought alot about his family and lovely  (mad as a brush) dog Oscar. They had brill holidays together with friends and on their own and spent alot of time together, talking and making plans of what to do next. There was always something good planned for the near future, despite treatments and hospitals. Not much stopped them going out. Rich was one person that Kim thought an awful lot about and for someone so young he was a God send to Kimberley when she needed him.

It's been just over a month since Kim passed and in some way's it seems like yesterday and in others it seem's alot longer. It's difficult to imagine that life can appear to be so "normal" when she's not here to share it with me anymore, however I treasure the book that Kim wrote some things in for me before she went. Im glad she managed to do that for me as it gives me the strength to try and live as "happily" as I can, as she wanted me to do.

I bought a bath from a converted chapel the other day. I went to view it prior to bidding on it and was comforted by the fact that there were butterflies around the place, it felt as though Kim was around and approved of the bath. I did'nt tell the people about Kim so was astounded when the man came to drop off the bath and around the tap was tied a pink ribbon with a paler pink butterfly attached. Kim and I had been doing up our house together and our next project was to be the bathroom. Kim always loved butterflies and told me when we were in Ashgate Hospice that she was going "to come back" as a butterfly! She most certainly is doing! and I plan to have a picture of a very beautiful butterfly in the bathroom when it's done.

 

Ive heard from Sue at Ashgate Hospice today that Kims plaque is now displayed on "Kim's garden" it has a picture of a butterfly on it and I am very pleased and comforted to know that Kim will  be remembered for ever at the place that she died. I have bad days sometimes, today I have had alot more time to think about Kim after doing all the preperation for the car boot sale. Partly a good thing and partly bad. I try very hard not to get too down as Kim told me she wanted me to be as strong and happy as I could possibly be. I also know from losing my brother that it could be very difficult for my other two children and I don't want them to feel as though they "lost" their Mum as well as their sister. Both of them are going to be away on their holidays this week so Im hoping they have a lovely time after all they've been through.

It's 7 weeks today since Kim left me and I can hardly believe that. In some ways it seems forever and in others it's like yesterday. The pain of missing Kimberley is dreadful. I find myself doing normal things each day (sometimes wishing the day away) as each day I get through seems to be achievement and then wondering how I can possibly function relatively normally when my daughter is not here with me anymore. I loved spending time with Kim, she was great to talk to and share things with. We were friends as well as Mother and Daughter. People say you should'nt really do that but it just happened as the years went on. I have some brilliant friends who are being great and supportive through all this but I miss my Kimberley friend.

It will be Kim's 21st birthday on the 11th of September and goodness know's how Im going to feel that day but I have some special things planned with my family so I will spend a while wondering how Kim would have loved her special birthday to be .... I do so hope my precious butterfly is happy xxxx

 This is the first bit of time I've spent on my own since Kimmy passed. I have got 5 days and I feel as though I am having some time to grieve for Kim in private. I feel very un-motivated today but hey tomorrow is another day and I will go and read some words of wisdom from Kim to give me some inspiration.

Kims story is to be published in issue 37 of Take A Break Magazine. It is a memorial tribute story and again will raise much needed money for Ashgate Hospice.

Only a few day's to go until Kim's birthday. I've ordered some sky lanterns to release that night which we can all write special messages on. Kim's birthday should have been such a massive celebration, 21 years. How am I supposed to celebrate? I guess Im going to try and celebrate and give massive thanks for having the honour of being Kim's mum and friend and having the pleasure of her in my life for nearly 21 years. That I will be eternally grateful for. We always used to go shopping on a Sunday afternoon, we generally ended up at Morrisons to get some stuff for Kim to take back to uni. It was a lonely trip today. Missing you so much sweetheart xxxx

  

I heard from Ashgate Hospice yesterday that so far we have managed to raise £2,698.51!!! that includes this money on Kims Just Giving so THANK YOU so much to everyone who is helping to keep Kim's memory alive and also helping other people who are in need of our support, kindness and friendship.

  

Fly

Fly fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure your soul is free
Be on your way don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away the time is right
Go now find the light

 

  

These are the words of one of the above mentioned songs. It makes me think of Kim. It's Kims birthday on Friday (wed today) Im struggling this week. I feel very emotional and am finding it hard to be posative and "happy" as Kim wanted me to be. I think it's understandable and normal and I have to say I am now ready for my holiday next week. Kimmy's best friend Hannah and her boyfriend Shaun came round yesterday afternoon which was really good, I was pleased to see them. Last night, Rich, Dave and Katie came for tea which was also brilliant as I always like to see them, they talk about Kim which is good but sad too. Comforting for me to be around people who loved Kim and are'nt afraid to show it!

 

Well its the 13th of September, and I can't believe its 10 weeks since Kim passed. So much has happened since then and life does move on even though you sometimes don't want it to. I know for a fact now that I have to keep busy. Very busy.

We went to Lincoln for Kims 21st and it went really well. Alot better than I anticipated. We went for a meal to the BIg Wok (not a patch on the one at Nottingham) and then back to the hotel to set off our sky lanterns. We all wrote our messages for Kim and they were VERY special. We all agreed that it was a lovely thing to do. Added bonus when two policemen turned up to investigate (one was rather nice looking) and after I explained they had a couple of pictures with us (sadly they did'nt show up well lol)

The Take A Break article came out last Thursday, the day before Kim's birthday. It was a memorial tribute story and I have to say it has given me great comfort. I thought it was well written and a fitting tribute to Kim and the lovely, brave young lady that she was. I just wish she was still here and it never had to have been written. Anyway I was wary about it but it has helped me and Im glad it came out for Kims birthday.

Im putting the photos of Kims birthday night on facebook if anyone wants to see them.

To all our family and friends who so generously donated money to Kim's page here instead of birthday presents, THANK YOU so..... much! It is a lovely thing to do and gives me massive comfort. I am gratefull to have so many wonderful people in my life. Don't know what id do without you all!!!!

 

30th September. Well ive just come back from two weeks holiday in Majorca. Some very kind friends let us live in their beautiful villa over there which we were extremely grateful for. Thanks John and Sue! It has done me good and made me feel stronger.

Whilst I was there, I obviously had alot of time to think. I thought , yet again about what Kim's wedding day would have been like, what her children (maybe) would have been like, what they would have been called etc and all the other things a mother would naturally think about. That is futile and just makes you feel heartbroken so I decided instead to come home and write a list of all the things that I am so glad Kimberley had her in life and that I got to see and share with her.

I will add to this list as time goes by......

IM GLAD THAT ... I gave birth to such a beautiful person who was a pleasure to spend time with. Im glad that I had 20 years of watching my baby grow up to be someone I could be so very proud of and love so very much.

I am so glad of every single photo I have of Kim! They are so precious!
Im glad that Kim got accepted on to the Masters Nursing Degree at Nottingham. What an achievement for someone who spent so much time in hospitals undergoing operation after operation and treatment.
Im glad that Kim has inspired young and old to make something of their lives.
Im glad that Kim got to go out to clubs, pubs, restaraunts, theme parks, the seaside, London, cities, towns, placements, the countryside, ice-skating, football matches, the pictures, shows, concerts, swimming, bowling, church, museums, car racing, Lapland, Magaluf, Spain, Barcelona, and many more places
Im glad Kim got to dress up and party. To put make up on and do her hair so many diifferent ways over the years.Kim loved themes for going out, so many different outfits.
Im so glad  that Kim finally got to fulfill her life long dream of a hot air balloon ride. When she was little and poorly, a friend of mine Jill, got a balloon ride for Kim but the weather seemed to be against us and the four times we turned up, it got cancelled. When Kim was 15 she got to go up in the pretty chequered balloon from Bakewell showground and was that an emotional moment for me! Kim was So happy!!!! Im glad Kim got to read, study and learn.
Im glad to have seen her face every birthday and Christmas when she got something she loved.
Im glad that I saved every little thing she ever gave me or made for me (did I know)
Im glad that Kim loved our dog so much! she was so lovely with him and never complained about looking after him or walking him, always a pleasure, never a chore, she just loved him!
Im glad that Kim had her rabbit Robbie and her guinea-pig Cheeky Chops (she loved them both very much and it showed in how she cared for them and the bond they had)
 Im glad that Kim had her beloved car, a metallic green, x reg Corsa (she was left some money by her Gran to buy her first car but she worked at Tesco's and saved up and bought it herself. It was a good, reliable car and she absolutely loved it) (she used Grans money for uni)
Im glad I saw Kim on her first day at school (so pretty in her smart uniform)
Im glad Kim met Rich and he has been and still is a very special part of my life (he has gone through and seen things that have been so very hard for such a young man but he was steadfast, strong and steady and Kim loved him)
Im glad Kim had such good friends and that I have now got to know them even better now. They have been so supportive, kind and a pleasure to have around in such tragic circumstances. Again, for their ages, they have been so strong and I know that Kim will ALWAYS hold a very special place in their hearts.
Im glad Kim spent quality, loving time with her Dad and brother and sisters. There have been ups and downs but always a very strong bond that can never be broken and some brilliant, happy times and memories!
Im glad that Kim got to travel. Kim has had some really good holidays with us and Rich and her friends. I know that Kim was glad about this too as she wrote to my partner, Phil to thank him for the wonderful holidays and always being such a great and willing "taxi" driver.
Im glad that Kim and I decorated together. We did Kim's bedroom first (thank God) and she loved her bedroom and it's calmness and well chosen decor. We had "fun" working together but especially choosing the papers. I can laugh now but we put some Ikea wardrobes together then had to move them into Kims bedroom. Needless to say Kim was'nt very tall and I was obviously not strong enough and by the time both wardrobes were in Kims room, 2 of the legs had snapped off. At the time I was not amused, now it just gives me a memory of Kim and how she was so calm about it all "it'll be right mum" and of course, in the grand scheme of things, it was.
Im glad that Kim got to achieve her life times ambition to go to Uni. I'd never seen her so happy. She simply loved every minute of it. I am going on Saturday to scatter some ashes there and also take some for the friends she was supposed to be living with in the house she so longed to live in. That hurts badly.
Im glad of the many great nights we had at The Big Wok in Nottingham, whenever I go there, I remember Kim, which chairs she sat in, what she ate and drank and her lovely smiling face. Im even glad of the years we spent going to and from hospitals in Sheffield and the time we spent in them. So many "deep and meaningfuls" on the journey that gave us the bond we needed to get through such horrible experiences. I remember the times Kim had to go through some awful things but you know what, she was so calm and brave. She was and always will be my inspiration and I will always think to myself, if Kim could do then so can I. Im glad Kim saw snow, Im glad of the times we sun bathed together and the books we read. Im glad Kim went to Tupton Hall and worked at Tesco's and Robinsons because they all contributed to her meeting the many great friends she had in her life. Im glad I hugged Kim and told her I loved her every day. Im so very glad for that. Im glad Kim got to read the letter I sent her before she got too poorly. Im so glad she knew just how very much I loved her. Im more than glad she wrote me what she did along with her Dad, Becks, Ross, Rich, Han and Phil. I could spend every minute of every day wishing she was back with me but I am glad I had her with me for as long as I did. So many things to be glad about ............ because Kim I AM GOING TO BE GLAD I had you for as long as I did and for what we had together!

 

 

Hi everyone, just to let you know that our next fundraiser is going to be such a great night out! Arranged by one of my bestest friends Sam (Fresh Ideas Florists) It is on Saturday the 24th of October at The Hunloke Arms on Derby Road, Its a Race Night with free entry, buffet and some of the most amazing raffle prizes ever! Trust me you will gladly pass over your hard earned cash to buy raffle tickets for these prizes! It promises to be a great, fun night out so please come along and join in the fun. Be great to see you there! xxx (this event raised £2,000 with some small cash donations to be added) Thank you so much to Sam, Gavin and the team at The Hunloke Arms and all the very generous raffle prizes donated from some fantastic people and companies to support Ashgate Hospice in Kims memory.

Oct. 12th. Well I did my first ever speech last week for a calendar launch at Chandlers Bar in Chesterfield. I was asked to talk about Kim, Ashgate Hospice and Cancer Research. The proceeds from the calendar and raffle were for Ashgate, Cancer Research and NSPCC. I was shaking but it seemed to go well and I met some nice people there and also caught up with some of the people I got to know when Kim was poorly.

This year myself and my family have been invited by Peak fm to the Local Heroes Bravery award ceremony. Kim was awarded the adult bravery award in 2007 and this year it is been awarded in her name. That is going to be a hard night. The last time we went, Kim was with us and we had a great night.
I am finding that the more I tackle things head on, even the really difficult things, it makes me feel like I am doing things for Kim and her legacy of helping others.

So far we have raised £4,810.37! Kim would be proud of that.

I am also attending the Willow Foundation Charity ball in London soon. This brilliant organisation helped Kim and sent both her and rich on a fabulous trip to London when she was poorly.

Last weekend I met up with Kim's uni friends and Han and rich and we scattered Kims ashes in the lake on the Nottingham University campus. It was very emotional but I am relieved that I have somewhere beautiful to go to think of Kim and I know that's where she wanted to be so very much.

We attended The Peak fm Bravery Awards last Friday night where I made a speech about Kim and how she really appreciated being awarded The Adult Bravery Award in 2007. It was a very hard and emotional night for me. We had our picture taken as we did before.... Kim's not on it. Need I say more.
Lately I've started to think that a massive numbness, which has apparently been surrounding me since Kim passed, has started to wear off. I wish it would stay, big time. It's such a horrible, weird feeling, wanting Kim back with me everyday, enjoying life etc and knowing that I can't have her back. Knowing that it's futile to even think about it. I always believed most things were possible if you wanted them badly enough. I have to find acceptance and some days I have some, other day's I have very little. Keeping busy or doing nothing helps.
My dog is not doing too well at the moment, that bother's me as he comforts me a great deal.

Including the Race Night money, we have now raised a total of £6,837.10 with a few small cash donations to be added after they have been collected. Wow, Kim would be pleased with everyones selfless efforts to help other people in her very precious memory.

6th Nov. last saturday I went to a memorial service at Clay Cross Methodist. I was quite "looking forward" to it and made the big mistake of not taking any tissues with me. I walked in with some lillies for Kim and walked to the front where you could write a message on a leaf and light a candle. Well it was one of those things that light gas cookers and would it work on my candle, no it would not. What did i do, started to cry, and could I stop, no I could'nt. Just goes to show it can really hit you when you are not expecting it at all. I got to see Johnathan (our pastor) and had a hug. I also picked up a few poems. I had read them all before but the following one means something to me. I wish i could write poetry. It is something that I have never been able do. It would be a good outlet of emotion and some good ones can have lasting effects and comfort to others. Poem to follow, it does'nt seem to want to come on here weirdly.

SHE IS GONE

 

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

written 1981
David Harkins 1959 -
Silloth, Cumbria, UK

 19th of Dec 2009. Firstly can I just say that I have not been able to write on here for a very long time because there was a problem in that I'd used up all the character's, I recently got the email to say I can write as much as I want again so some catching up to be done!

We attended the Ashgate Hospice Christmas Dinner/Ball at The Winding Wheel which was a great night. It was so lovely to share the night with Rich, Hannah, Becks Linekar, Kim's Dad, Phil, Ross, Katie, my Sister and Brother In law. The food was lovely and there was lot's of fund raising so all good.

Mel Marriot, Becki's best friend has now done her sponsored bungee jump in memory of Kim. We all went to Manchester to give some moral support and to be honest it was a very emotional event for me. I did'nt expect it to be but Mel was so brave. She was very frightened but like Kim did'nt let it show until afterwards. We don't know the exact amount yet but it's approx £575. A massive thank you and well done to you Mel!

  

31st of Dec (New Year's Eve) 2009

Memories are the loveliest things, they last from day to day, they can't get lost, they don't wear out, they can't be given away. There's a little gate marked private, that leads into my heart, beyond that gate are memories from which I'll never part. They say there is a reason, they say that time will heal but neither... time nor reason will change the way I feel. May the wind blow really softly and whisper in your ear, that for those of us who LOVE you, so wish you were still here! I hope your happy sweetheart xxx love you equal xxxx Mum

 

Kimberley I have nearly managed to do my first Christmas and New Year without you. I've done ok but it is so,so,so,so,so hard. There are memories of you everywhere. There are thought's all the time about what you and I would be doing, where we'd go sales shopping, what we'd watch on tv, where you would be going tonight. I remember that New Year's Eve when you were baby sitting and we came to see you. My main thought all the time is where are you? Stupid thought probably but it's there all the same. I watched the Kim and Ebo DVD last night. Ebo sent it me for Christmas and warned me that you both had cried and that it was about a girl who died of cancer. Kim that makes me wonder so much about you, it makes me wonder because you and that girl were so similar and there were alot of similiarities in that film and how you handled things. Quiet, dignified, strength and courage for starters. The list Kim? It certainly was A WALK TO REMEMBER love. You know what, and now you'll wonder about my sanity, I miss going to the hospitals. I miss living with that feeling that never really went away of dread and what if it comes back? How can I miss such terrible things but I do. We had some of our best conversations going to and from Hospitals hey?

I miss your advice so badly. You always put the right perspective on anything and everything. I miss YOU.

I wonder if you knew just how beautiful you were? I doubt it very much. Im off on a plane next week but you know after that journey back when you phoned me that morning, no plane journey will ever be the same cos I re-live the feeling of helplessness and not being able to comfort you until I got back, albeit hours, it was disgustingly awful.

Im hoping to get some clarity to my thoughts soon. I don't have alot. Im very sad to be leaving the last year that we were together behind. One thing I do know is I find it very hard to make conversations with people, everyone really, my mind is sort of blank. Shopping is a joke cos again Im just blank.

Kimberley at the start of this next year tomorrow I wanted to come on here and just share a few of my thoughts with you. I just love you so much and where ever you are I hope your making people as very happy as you did me and everyone else in your life. Your very proud Mum xxxx Love you equal Kim xxxxxxxxxx

 

13th of January 2010. Just got back from a weeks holiday last night and feel alot better for it. I am now going to concentrate on fundraising for the Full Monty night on Sunday, April the 18th at Club Chesterfield for Ashgate Hospice. This is hopefully going to be a brilliant night with a buffet, raffle, disco and female focalist Donna Ramsdale (very good) Kims Dad Dave, brother Ross, Rich (Kim's boyfriend) Jonty, Daz, the two Lukes (all family and Kim's friends) are all being kind (and very brave)  enough to to a Full Monty performance which should be a great laugh and excellent fundraiser. I am starting work on the very elaborate costumes! Put this date in your diary as tickets will be JUST £10! and we expect them to sell very well due to the amount of interest shown so far!

A massive Thank you to S41 Bar in Chesterfield who have recently raised £255.30! for Ashgate so well done to all of you!

I love you equal sweetheart xxxxx your Mum

27th of January. I had my first refusal from my "begging"? letters today. I have spent an awful lot of time asking companies for raffle prizes for the KIMMY CHARITY NIGHT. I am not put off, I understand that times are hard and I will just carry on. I will, Im sure get some excellent prizes!!! posative thinking all the way. Negative thinking is exactly that, negative.

I am going to do my Food Hygiene Certificate before the charity night. Another positive thing to do and achieve. No doubt will keep me busy for a while.

Im wearing my new Butterfly necklace today Kim. You would defo like it, in fact you would probably be wearing it by now lol. The Butterfly House name plaques are getting alot of attention and I am so glad I thought of them. You did a very special thing wanting to be a Butterfly? I wonder if you knew just how much it would comfort me and get me through.

I love you Kim xxxxx Mum

13th of Feb 2010. Wish you were here with me sweetheart. I keep looking at your picture's and wondering how you are, where you are and so very much more. Tell you what Kim, I miss you so badly! your mum is thinking about you as always xxxxx love you equal sweetheart xxxxx

21st of Feb. Total raise so far £9,359,92.

I have had news from Kimberley's friends in the Nurse's society that they have managed to raise the fantastic sum of £248 in Kimberleys memory fom their Ball and other fund raising activities. This next bit means so much because they decided to pay an extra £2.00 each to have a butterfly embroidered on to the sleeves of their hoodies. They said it made them feel like they had Kim with them. Kim would, I know, love that idea. It also raised another £56.00!!!  I am deeply touched by it. Kim was involved in designing the hoodies last year when she got poorly. She was so upset when she could'nt do it anymore. Thank you so very  much to Stacey Johnson and all you lovely young ladies in the Nurse Soc. Ashgate Hospice would also like to thank you all very much.

Kimberley I am having your beautiful picture made into a canvas like your Dad's for my birthday. Im glad you did'nt know what fete had in store when they were taken. You are so beautiful and you look so happy. The pictures mean more to me then I can ever say and bring me some comfort. I wish I could hug you sweetheart. Love you equal xxx your Mum

 

13th of March 2010. Mothers Day tom Kim. I've not been strong all day. It hurts more then any human being will ever know. I miss you so very much my sweetheart. Thinking about you as always every day and forever. Your Mum xxxx hey Kim tell you what, should we just love each other equal?

Johnathan Reeve our pastor and his band mates are putting on a life Gig! it is on Saturday April the 17th and tickets are £5.00 (think they have nearly all gone) They are so very kindly donating the money raised to Ashgate Hospice in memory of Kimberley.
Rock on BOYs!!!!!!!!!! 

9th of April. Well Kim, it seems a long time since I have come and written on here. Time moves on everyday. I think you'd be pleased with me for decorating my bedroom. It hurt so much doing it without you. It took me a long time to even attempt to do it. Phil said do it for you and try not to dwell on the fact you were'nt here doing it with me, talking and listening to music. You would be very proud of our Charity Night for you. It's been so hard work but it has kept me sane due to being so busy and not having the time to think about you and miss you so much sweetheart. I wish you were here Kim. I really so wish you were here, having fun, getting married, being a nurse and having babies to name just a few. Your not and as you told me in Ashgate, Im the one that has to live here without you. You knew it was going to be bad did'nt you love. I can't tell you how much of a difference you made in my life, a bright, beautiful difference.

I love big time Kim xxx Mum

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

until I write again........

There is so much more to say and photo's to show you. Please just bear with me and watch this space.