Each year, following the Gamescom convention in Cologne, a group of PR and journalists ride home raising money for UK-based charity GamesAid. I’ve looked at their Facebook profiles and they’re all frighteningly fit, ripped, and toned. I’m joining them this year.

 

I am not ripped. I have an academic’s physique. Soft on the outside, soft on the inside.

 

That’s not the only challenge in store.

 

While a top of the range carbon-framed racing bike might be appropriate for this marathon ride, I’ve a cheap bike from Halfords. It’s red and the bell is broken.

 

In the past three years I’ve dislocated my knee. Twice. Considering the first time was dancing and the second time was playing frisbee, I can only imagine 517km will do it good.

 

I was told about the ride two weeks ago and I’ve one week of training time left. If this were an action movie this is the point where the hero stands over the ticking bomb with sweat on their brow.

 

What you are getting in me is an underdog. It would take real guts for someone to sponsor an endeavour so likely to end in crushing, painful failure. Someone of sound mind, fair face, and large wallet. Are you that pretty, confident, backer?